The Light at the End of the Tunnel

March 20, 2020 by Alannah Paren in Inspiration

It is hard for me to face the fact that I haven’t been able to fully create a written piece for this blog in 4 months, and even more eerie to me that the last post I published was one that urged for us to consider what matters most to us without a crisis forcing such reevaluations.

Now, in the midst of all of this COVID-19 chaos, we have all been infected one way or another – we have had to change the way we interact with each other and the world around us, adapt to the the ins and outs of our new normals, and shift the mental focus we place on various things. While my hope is that among the small silver linings that this situation poses – like having more time to spend with family and pursue personal goals that work schedules previously got in the way of – that at the end of this predicament we find ourselves taking less for granted, expressing more gratitude, and feeling more connected as humans. This moment in history is one of the many tremors that our world will face, but with each one comes the shifting of tectonic plates that is necessary for society’s reconfiguration towards more empathy and equality.

Royal National Park, Australia // July 2019

Recently, as my spirit was starting to lift after some rough past months in my personal life, I envisioned writing a post in May with this same title: “The Light At the End of the Tunnel.” It was to come alongside my college graduation, serving as inspiration for fellow students and those who have ever felt lonely, lost, or unsure if they would live to see their goals achieved. As I have said before, this platform was sparked by my hope that if I opened up and shared my own feelings, at least one person would read my words, realize they weren’t alone, and find the strength to continue to place one foot in front of the other. I figured that being able to write “from the other side,” as someone who successfully reached a big milestone in life, would be encouraging for people. Unfortunately, as a consequence of COVID-19, that moment of physically receiving my diploma on an official graduation day is no longer a reality. What I have come to realize though, is that the true success isn’t in finally making it to the end goal, but rather accepting the challenge of each waking day and continuing to push yourself in the right direction as opposed to giving up.

For a lot of people who know me in my private life, it may come as a surprise to know that my outwardly smiling and humorous persona doesn’t indicate the internal struggles that I have been learning to accept and manage. Having an essentially perfect and very fortunate life makes the emotional challenges even harder, as I feel like I don’t have the right to feel the deep waves of sadness that often overcome me. It is hard for me to reach out and express that I need help, let alone disclose to people that depression, anxiety, and eating disorders haunt my everyday experiences. I never wanted to be vulnerable and explicitly discuss these things for fear that I would pitied (something that my highly independent, stubborn self does not enjoy), so it only felt appropriate to bring them up in the context that I survived and succeeded on my own. However, I came to the conclusion that this was antithetical to my desire to help people identify with human conditions and understand that it is normal to feel grateful and happy for so much in life, as well as simultaneously endure times that feel unbearable.

I once read something that helped me come to terms with my own feelings, and perhaps you too will find solace in it: for those who are empathetic and finely tuned into the world around them, their scope on life allows them to see the oneness that connects us all, yet it does not extend in only one direction, forcing them to also experience the weight and sadness of the world at a stronger level.

While it is important to stay motivated and recognize that “the light at the end of the tunnel” proposes many positives, I think it is even more critical to acknowledge the successes of continuing to journey through doubt and darkness. It is also vital to not discount that there are many times when sunlight can leak through crevices. These are the instances in which the dichotomy of happiness and depression exist; these are the times when you can feel both whole and split in two. And sometimes, after years of feeling like a societal anomaly, one of the light beams that you encounter may be someone who finally lends a listening ear, accepts you for who you are, or offers to walk with you through the darkness and sit with you in the warmth of the light.

With all the uncertainty that we are collectively facing, I hope that we can at least gain a better understanding of each other and ourselves. Let us take this time to heal, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. These are times that call for the upmost acts of kindness, reassurance, and empathy. There are already signs of positive outcomes such as lower environmental emissions, so perhaps we can view this situation as an extreme way of hitting “reset” in a multitude of aspects. We should always be conscious of the internal feelings and struggles that one may be battling, but we should be even more hyperaware and considerate in a period like this. Sending love, light, and health to all! xoxo

Critiquing What We Appreciate Without a Crisis

November 14, 2019 by Alannah Paren in Lifestyle

The question “What would you do if you only had 24 hours to live?” often elicits a response that does not reflect the person’s usual day-to-day life. This begs the bigger question of why the person isn’t naturally leading a life more reflective of their deepest values and desires. It has taken mass shootings to get people to advocate for change and enact laws to protect citizens. It has taken natural disasters for people to realize that we need to be more conscious of our environmental impact and implement policies that ensure that communities have access to resources. And, sometimes, once it is too late, we find that we have so many things we wish we could tell someone. Why does it take the verge of breaking points, tragedies, and crises to spark within us the values and considerations that we should be guiding our lives with consistently?

Watson’s Bay, Sydney, Australia // July 2019

Part of the issue, I believe, has to do with the lack of empathy in our society, a topic I have touched on throughout this blog. With the inability to deliberate on other people’s experiences, our society has lost the foresight of recognizing how individual actions affect the feelings and circumstances of others. Without empathy, we cannot fully appreciate life and the deep network of humanity that allows it to run in the way that many of us take for granted. For example, the next time you go to a coffee shop and treat yourself to your favorite drink, reflect on the links that have made that experience possible for you: the person behind the counter helping to serve you, the coffee farmers who worked to cultivate the very beans you will now be sipping on, and the laborers in between who shipped the products from their country of origin to where you are now enjoying them. Many of us go through our lives so quickly, isolated in our personal hectic schedules, yet there is so much indirect dependency we have on each other. So, why wait until an extreme situation to pause and see that we need to reevaluate our appreciations? Every day provides itself with an opportunity for us to inspire change and lead lives that align with our ideal versions of life.

I am in full support of the marketing and social campaigns that preach giving thanks and being especially grateful as the Thanksgiving holiday nears, but I encourage us all to really ponder on the way we are appreciating people and things in our life - this includes how we express these emotions of gratitude! Are we engaging in empathy and making decisions that have a positive impact on people in other nations or for future generations? While certain stresses and realities can get in the way at times, it is important to take time to think about ways that we are showing the people in our lives that we care and taking full advantage of the beautiful present moments we have. In some instances, we can spare dire moments through wielding tools of gratitude, kindness, compassion, and empathy in our daily routines (even if it is in a small capacity!).

As we get closer to the end of 2019 and a symbolic period of resetting, let us tap into our cores and ensure that we are on a path that allows us to live a life that speaks to our inner truth and acknowledges the togetherness that our world depends on. I hope that everyone soaks up the upcoming holiday season in whatever way provides a sense of happiness and peace. As always, thank you to everyone who supports this blog and to those who encourage me to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Smile to strangers, spread kindness, and love boundlessly – here’s to an empathy revolution! xoxo

How to Love in Every Situation

February 06, 2019 by Alannah Paren in Inspiration, Lifestyle

Happy February! In light of Valentine’s Day coming up, I wanted to do another special feature on “love.” Last year I wrote about a few things I had learned on the topic, but this year I want to write about something that I am still working on fully integrating into my own life - the idea that no matter how upsetting a situation is, you approach it with love. When we feel like we are dealing with someone on a different vibration than we are, or when we feel hurt by another person’s thoughts or actions, it is easy to turn to being unhappy, disappointed, and maybe even angry. However, these feelings are not productive in terms of mending and healing, which is why we must ask ourselves an important question: “How can I love in this situation?”

The world can be, and currently is, a very messy place, and in an effort to move forward in a more holistically positive direction, we need to begin to do as much as we can to guide our lives with love and empathy. Stepping back from situations and evaluating how you fit into whatever might be unfolding, is crucial in not only helping to protect your own heart and soul energy, but also in understanding how to handle such circumstances. Let’s say you are having a hard time seeing eye-to-eye with a friend, coworker, roommate, or family member. It’s easy to get riled up, to begin to plaster up the walls of your heart and mind, and to keep those thick layers of defense on for all future interactions. But what if, before you began to apply these shielding mechanisms, you actually expanded these channels? What if you took a look at the situation and realized, “Okay, this is how _____ feels, because of xyz…,” and you allowed yourself to simply bring some love and empathy into the situation? Now, not only have you saved yourself the burden of wasting energy on fortifying your shields, but you have also taken a third person perspective on the scene at hand, giving you the ability to see how the other person is approaching the situation and how you thus should respond.

This is not an easy task. And by no means does this mean that you have to agree with the person or feel unconditional love. All this practice is serving to do is to get us to in some capacity leak love into our every action, and the more love we exude, the more we will attract. For instance, despite having an emotional morning and having a lot weighing on my heart the other day, I decided to take a moment to myself in the car. I realized that my next agenda item – my weekly grocery shopping at Whole Foods – had no relation to the outside upsets I was dealing with, so I sat in my car and said to myself, “Alright universe, I am going to do my best to shed my fears, anger, and doubts, and just trust, manifest, and magnetize.” As soon as I stepped out of my car and went to grab a cart (with a very mustered, but nonetheless bold, smile on my face) I could feel love radiating. The carts seemed to be stuck together, and I was mid-struggle when a man came over and helped me out and reassured me that it wasn’t just me having difficulties. Once inside the store, I felt like everyone I passed was smiling in my direction, so I kept beaming back, to the point that eventually, my phony smile was really genuine. The feeling was surreal – all I had to do was decide to enter into the setting with love, and low and behold, there was love to be acknowledged and received. This just goes to show that the question of “How can I love in this situation?” is not just applicable in dealing with other individuals, but sometimes we need it for ourselves or for approaching general, public scenes as well.

At the end of the day, we just need to do our best at considering what we are carrying with us and how we can work on overcoming difficulties, as opposed to shutting ourselves off from solutions. Analyzing how we can be better individuals by better understanding those around us is essential to a more unified society that operates more effortlessly. Next time you find yourself welling up with frustration or scorn, try to evaluate how you and the other person may be living on different frequencies and how, even if it isn’t a familial or romantic love, you do have flickers of love to disperse to all souls. Allow love to flow through you, so that you may magnetize more into your life and also guard yourself from the repercussions that come from stopping up your love channels with frustration, upset, and other negativities. Feel free to reach out if you have suggestions, want to discuss something, or just need a listening ear! Have an amazing month of love!

Dissolving Differences

July 30, 2018 by Alannah Paren in Inspiration, Travel

One of the biggest things I like to emphasis on this blog (and in life in general!) is the oneness that connects us all. Society often likes to make the differences in life more obvious than the similarities. While reading Only Love is Real, the sequel to Many Lives, Many Masters by Brian Weiss, I realized that some of his words correlated with a woman’s story I had learned while traveling in Israel. The overall message is that we all go through the same hardships; deep down we are all scared, we all want to find love and happiness. Weiss discusses how the soul is not attached to superficial differences (like race, ethnicity, gender, etc.) that often pose as barriers in everyday life. The woman I met in Israel discussed what it is like to live in a country where the majority of people she is spiritually connected to are fighting against the people she is ethnically connected to.

For those of you who aren’t familiar with Brain Weiss, he is a therapist who specializes in past life regression therapy, in which patients are able to recall their past lives and identify life patterns and familiar souls. (Read my post about his first book here.) Through his innumerous sessions with clients, he has seen how diverse one soul’s lives can be – from a British woman of royalty in one life to an Egyptian male healer in another. Weiss writes that in “the course of our lifetimes, we change sexes, religions, and races in order to learn from all sides” (Only Love is Real 98). He illustrates that we cannot have fear, anger, greed, hatred, etc., because we have probably at one point in our soul’s journey, embodied whatever it is now that we view as “different.” The point of life he says is to learn how to love, forgive, be aware, and eliminate violence. Regardless of your religion or if you believe in reincarnation or not, it is hard to argue with Weiss’ points that simply suggest that we place ourselves in others’ shoes and treat people in a manner in which we would hope to be treated if we were in their situation.

Israel has long been in war with Palestine, and while I was visiting, I was fortunate enough to get to go to a village that was inhabited by both Israelis and non-Israelis. A woman shared her story of being a Christian who lived in a non-Israeli village that was destroyed by Israelis, and how she found forgiveness and love in their people when she moved into a main Israeli port for university. She was young, divorced, and her rejection of her somewhat forced marriage through her culture caused her to be abandoned by her own blood. That’s when she was left with nothing, only to find that so many Israelis welcomed her with open arms and offered her a roof, food, education, and companionship. She shared that through her experiences she realized that love conquers all – that no matter your side in a situation, both parties are afraid, both parties have a right to their beliefs, and both parties are just trying to protect their own happiness and health, which she believes doesn’t have to be at the expense of others.

Lately, I have been quite observant of how often we rely on the differences between ourselves and others to characterize, when we should be focusing more on similarities or attributes such as one’s humor, kindness, generosity, etc. If we empathize with the feelings and familiarities of those around us, not only do we broaden our repertoire of experienced emotions, but we open up our heart to allow others to also enter and understand our lives better. Weiss’ discussion of patterns across multiple lives and how we can break destructive cycles through the recognition of such patterns, inspired me to want to focus on the breaking of cycles within this life that we currently know, regardless of whether or not we have insight into any of our soul’s past encounters. It is time that we break the pattern of guarding our hearts against others, ignoring what we all share as a human race, and being blind to the wonderful connections we have the potential to make with people, no matter how diverse their lives are compared to our own!

Living a Life of Loving-Kindness

June 23, 2018 by Alannah Paren in Travel, Inspiration

My recent travels to Israel imparted a lot to me, and I plan on doing my best to convey some of the lessons I learned or feelings I experienced throughout the next few weeks, but right now I want to focus on the idea of loving-kindness. Love and care is important in many forms, and in today’s world there is a large movement supporting self-love, promoting individuals to take time out of their routines to honor themselves. While in Israel, I was introduced to the term loving-kindness, and being the word nerd that I am, I just couldn’t let go of how perfectly I feel that this concept bottles up and describes an aspect to life that I think plays a critical role to our well being. In fact, parts of it are reminiscent to my past post on “The Art of Releasing Contempt + Opening the Heart,” and I loved this new spin.

During the trip, I had the opportunity to partake in several guided meditations, one of which was a loving-kindness meditation. The goal of the meditation was to focus on an individual that you feel overwhelming admiration for, send them positive thoughts and energy, and then reciprocate that pure love to yourself via the person you envisioned. Essentially, the practice allows you to send love to others, as well as to yourself, serving as a platform for indirect self-love (something that can be hard to do for ourselves, but is easier when we can utilize a loved one to be the messenger of the love we send ourselves!). Towards the end of the session, we were encouraged to expand our vision beyond our original individual, to more people in our lives, even those who we might usually have a tough time feeling affectionate towards. The lesson was that the more love we send out and the more walls we try to overcome, the more space we open up in our hearts to receive love. Loving-kindness is essentially the open flow of love for everyone, recognizing that as human beings we all fundamentally share the desire to love and be loved.

I came out of the meditation quite overwhelmed, choking up with tears of joy at the rush of emotions I had experienced. During my session, I had faced some negative feelings I had towards myself (that I didn’t realize were still buried deep down inside me!) through my visions of my loved one sending me love. I also had a ton of people, who I hadn’t thought of in a long time, pop up into my head to send love to – even someone who often pains me, but regardless I mustered up all the positive energy I could, and sent it to them. The entire meditation did not take very long, yet the effects afterwards were so incredibly blissful. It helped me to further activate my compassion for others, along with giving me the space to dedicate time to fully recognize my connections with various people in my life.

There are lots of studies on the short and long term impacts of meditation in general, but I also think there is something specifically special about taking the time to acknowledge love for others, no matter how close of a relationship we share with them on an average day. As we teach our hearts how to expand our love across distances, boundaries, and differences, radiating love becomes the norm and we work towards focusing on what we can emotionally share with each other.

I hope everyone had a beautiful summer solstice and is enjoying this beautiful season! xoxo

The Importance of Being an Explorer

March 02, 2018 by Alannah Paren in Inspiration

Growing up, my mom always imparted on me the wisdom of my great-grandmother: “Be a trier.” These three words have influenced my life heavily, as I guide my life with the perspective that some things I need to experience before I have the authority to gauge my stance. Whether it’s a new food, a new idea, or a new activity (especially one that pushes me out of my comfort zone), I keep in the back of my mind that I must give it a shot if I want to expand my knowledge, knowing that the worst that can happen is that I learn that whatever I tried isn’t something I want to partake in again in the future. This morning as I began brainstorming how to formulate my thoughts into an intelligible blog post, I made myself some tea (and I like the kind that has a little quote to ponder as you sip) and the quote of today’s tea bag was: “Experience will give you the power and confidence to be you.” And that’s when all my thoughts came together.

I absolutely love traveling, but for me the term “explorer” goes beyond the physical act of going on some exotic journey, to also include just the act of “exploring” other options, different perspectives, a bite of that interesting looking dish at the neighborhood potluck… you get the idea! From an early age I’d like to say that I have had an inherent curiosity and thirst for knowledge pushing me to seek out a plethora of new experiences, but I know that some people are more homebodies. Which brings me to my overall message that I hope to instill: even if you wouldn’t describe yourself as one who wishes to go outside of your normal routine, the act of exploring in any sense of the word is so enriching and benefitting. With this freshness that comes with the start of March, I encourage everyone to make this month one of healthy challenge, setting at least one new goal to attempt that pushes the boundaries of the “normalness’ of the everyday.

When we spread our wings and immerse ourselves in something new, we add one more notch to the repertoire of things that make us who we are, since after all, we are all unique creations that have been shaped and molded by our individual life experiences. The more books we’ve read, people we’ve met, places we’ve gone, foods that we’ve tried, etc., the greater awareness we have for the world around us, and thus the more accurately we can place ourselves in the greater context of this diverse world. In my own life, certain experiences have illuminated feelings that were deep inside me all along, but that I could only place a finger on once I was exposed to the converse feeling through an exploration or heard someone else put words to my ambiguous emotions.

I think that when we as human beings take an active approach towards life, meaning that we maintain an open-minded perspective and allow ourselves to continually absorb new knowledge, we work to cultivate a society that is more culturally aware and empathetic. By encouraging our own selves to take advantage of all the wonderful possibilities in life, we are opening ourselves up to being pleasantly surprised and learning something about our own beings, or we can at least take pride in entering and surviving something that wasn’t necessarily our “cup of tea,” but that we now have an educated background in and thus can have justified attitudes towards. In working on making our inverse one of more unity, we need to all have a small taste of what other people’s “normal” is, so we should all view ourselves as “world detectives,” doing our best to collect all that we can so that we can make supported claims, have a better understanding of who we are, and add to the evidence that there is something that connects us all as human beings.

So go out and try a new cuisine, read a new genre of books, watch a documentary on an unfamiliar topic… or maybe even book a flight to that place you’ve always wanted to go to! We never cease to be students of life, so let’s all make the most of our priceless education!

Engaging in Empathy

August 06, 2017 by Alannah Paren in Inspiration

This next post builds upon the idea of not just being conscious of things, but also acting with feeling and intention. The other day it hit me that one of the key components that leads to a happier, smoother life is the ability to consider the feelings of others.

The human race is a species that thrives off of connections with others. We run our best when we are surrounded by love, care, humor, and joy, all of which work as a give-and-take cycle that can only be made possible with other people. With this in mind, if we go out into the world and only act with the attitude of “what’s best for myself,” we can cause harm to our cycle of reciprocation and begin to push away the people who provide us with what we truly want and need in life. We often forget to take a step back and reflect on the potential outcomes of our actions, not only for our personal sake, but also in a way that takes into account the effect we may have on someone else. I am sure that for many of us, the last thing we would want to do is to hurt someone, let alone someone who is close to us. That’s why, it is important to ask ourselves before doing something that could have a ripple effect onto another’s life:

“Will my actions affect someone other than myself?”
“Am I willing to take the risk and potentially, knowingly hurt someone?”
“If my actions do end up harming someone, will I regret it? Is this person’s suffering worth what I am about to do?”

Essentially, it is important to weigh out the potential benefits and potential consequences of the things we do and say. This is important to do even in situations that may have virtually no effect on others, because it is important to always be conscious of how our actions and words will influence the next step or moment within our life paths.

Considering others’ feelings goes further than it’s immediate benefit (because caring about others is SO positive), but it also can help in finding appreciation in your own life. For example, if you close your eyes and truly imagine what it might be like to live in a country where health care was not accessible or you had to walk miles to get drinkable water, you might be able to actually feel the intensity of real people’s situations. Imagining what they must go through, things like being exposed to sweltering heat, yet physically pushing themselves, or showing up to work each day despite battling the worsening symptoms of a serious health condition, can put our own lives into perspective. Compassion and empathy don’t have to go as extreme as considering the conditions of another country. It can be as simple as knowing that a neighbor down the street is dealing with a tragedy, becoming conscious of how they must feel, and then possibly going out of your way to show them the love and care that exists in all of us.

This brings me to another point, which is that through empathy, we act in a way that is positively perceived by others since they feel our care and kindheartedness. When others feel you exuding such lovingness, they too will act in a way of compassion towards you, refueling that cycle that I touched upon earlier. We should keep in mind though that the ultimate goal of acting empathetically is not to receive anything in return, as being selfless in and of itself is beneficial for the soul. Basically, when we think of other people’s situations, we should treat them in a way that we would hope to be treated if we were in the same situation, because later on when it’s our turn to be on the receiving end, our considerations will be reciprocated.

The moral of the story is that without empathy we cannot reach our highest potential. We need others in our life to help us live fully and experience the essence of life, and to do our best at maintaining such relationships, we must act from a place of love. We must act in a way that considers how those around us might be feeling, so that we can therefore do our best to align our words and actions in a way that will get others to a place of more love and joy, rather than of pain and suffering. Sometimes we make mistakes, and just because we may hurt someone near to us, does not necessarily mean that they will immediately stop showing the care and love they have for us. However, over time, if we continue to ignore the feelings of others and act in selfish ways that harm those around us, they may begin to pull away and shelter their tenderness for us.

The next time you hear of someone else’s situation or go to do something that you know will have an effect beyond yourself, take a moment and think of the emotions one might feel in response. Do your best to fulfill your own happiness, but try to lessen its expense on other’s happiness. Reach out and express your empathy whenever it is possible. As we journey closer to our own happiness, we must not forget about the value of the happiness of others.