How to Love in Every Situation

February 06, 2019 by Alannah Paren in Inspiration, Lifestyle

Happy February! In light of Valentine’s Day coming up, I wanted to do another special feature on “love.” Last year I wrote about a few things I had learned on the topic, but this year I want to write about something that I am still working on fully integrating into my own life - the idea that no matter how upsetting a situation is, you approach it with love. When we feel like we are dealing with someone on a different vibration than we are, or when we feel hurt by another person’s thoughts or actions, it is easy to turn to being unhappy, disappointed, and maybe even angry. However, these feelings are not productive in terms of mending and healing, which is why we must ask ourselves an important question: “How can I love in this situation?”

The world can be, and currently is, a very messy place, and in an effort to move forward in a more holistically positive direction, we need to begin to do as much as we can to guide our lives with love and empathy. Stepping back from situations and evaluating how you fit into whatever might be unfolding, is crucial in not only helping to protect your own heart and soul energy, but also in understanding how to handle such circumstances. Let’s say you are having a hard time seeing eye-to-eye with a friend, coworker, roommate, or family member. It’s easy to get riled up, to begin to plaster up the walls of your heart and mind, and to keep those thick layers of defense on for all future interactions. But what if, before you began to apply these shielding mechanisms, you actually expanded these channels? What if you took a look at the situation and realized, “Okay, this is how _____ feels, because of xyz…,” and you allowed yourself to simply bring some love and empathy into the situation? Now, not only have you saved yourself the burden of wasting energy on fortifying your shields, but you have also taken a third person perspective on the scene at hand, giving you the ability to see how the other person is approaching the situation and how you thus should respond.

This is not an easy task. And by no means does this mean that you have to agree with the person or feel unconditional love. All this practice is serving to do is to get us to in some capacity leak love into our every action, and the more love we exude, the more we will attract. For instance, despite having an emotional morning and having a lot weighing on my heart the other day, I decided to take a moment to myself in the car. I realized that my next agenda item – my weekly grocery shopping at Whole Foods – had no relation to the outside upsets I was dealing with, so I sat in my car and said to myself, “Alright universe, I am going to do my best to shed my fears, anger, and doubts, and just trust, manifest, and magnetize.” As soon as I stepped out of my car and went to grab a cart (with a very mustered, but nonetheless bold, smile on my face) I could feel love radiating. The carts seemed to be stuck together, and I was mid-struggle when a man came over and helped me out and reassured me that it wasn’t just me having difficulties. Once inside the store, I felt like everyone I passed was smiling in my direction, so I kept beaming back, to the point that eventually, my phony smile was really genuine. The feeling was surreal – all I had to do was decide to enter into the setting with love, and low and behold, there was love to be acknowledged and received. This just goes to show that the question of “How can I love in this situation?” is not just applicable in dealing with other individuals, but sometimes we need it for ourselves or for approaching general, public scenes as well.

At the end of the day, we just need to do our best at considering what we are carrying with us and how we can work on overcoming difficulties, as opposed to shutting ourselves off from solutions. Analyzing how we can be better individuals by better understanding those around us is essential to a more unified society that operates more effortlessly. Next time you find yourself welling up with frustration or scorn, try to evaluate how you and the other person may be living on different frequencies and how, even if it isn’t a familial or romantic love, you do have flickers of love to disperse to all souls. Allow love to flow through you, so that you may magnetize more into your life and also guard yourself from the repercussions that come from stopping up your love channels with frustration, upset, and other negativities. Feel free to reach out if you have suggestions, want to discuss something, or just need a listening ear! Have an amazing month of love!

Forgive Yourself

January 14, 2019 by Alannah Paren in Inspiration

Month one of a beautiful new year! As we become fully immersed in the last year of the decade, some of us might still be in the process of shedding the old. A huge part of the process of releasing is forgiveness – the absolving of all binds to remorse, guilt, or shame. But often times we focus on forgiving others, which is very important indeed, but what about forgiving ourselves? If we are in any way feeling chained to some unhappy aspect stirring in our soul, how can we expect to feel free and reach new heights of our being?

A great practice to incorporate weekly, monthly - whenever you feel like you need to take a step back and remind yourself that the past shouldn’t take away from the present and future – take a moment to just be. Regretting a decision you made? Even if you would have done something differently in the moment, you probably learned something from the experience, and who knows, it could turn out to be a blessing in disguise later in life. Wish you hadn’t said something that slipped your lips? In the moment that was your truth, and it’s okay to go through those types of mistakes. Haven’t stopped thinking about a missed opportunity? Let it go, because wallowing in that loss will only strip you of more potential moving forward. We are all human and we need to learn to love ourselves and trust the process. Being our own best friend and standing behind our own decisions (or being self reflective and recognizing when we could have approached something better), is crucial to being able to harness as much of our individual power as possible and living as aligned to our heart’s desire as possible.

Forgiving ourselves also means refraining from being harsh on ourselves for outgrown versions of ourselves that we may have a hard time supporting from our more mature and sage perspectives. Life is a journey of lessons! It is important to maintain gratitude for the ability to get to the point that you are today, to gain the perspective and capacity to even look back and realize you had room to grow. Socrates once said that he was the wisest man because “he knew that he knew nothing.” Being able to tune in and realizing there is always room for growth and acquiring knowledge is helpful in maneuvering through a world that sometimes pits us against expectations that we aren’t all molded to fulfill in the same ways. And a part of this journey comes from doing things that may lead to forgiving ourselves, because after all, we need to go through imperfect moments to appreciate the better ones.

Remember that when we are at optimal individual self, we are a bigger asset to our surrounding society as a whole. Melt away any unsettling feelings you have within your own heart and soul by loving yourself and slopping off any weight that is holding you down, so that you can ascend to a point where your blueprint is clear. Forgiving yourself makes room for more light and love to enter, and you can ensure that you are setting yourself up to receive an abundance, especially once you let the universe know that you trust and are healed. Whenever you are in doubt, look within, and tap into that energy that we all have access to – but remember that you’ll encounter fewer clouds when searching for what you seek when you are confident and content with yourself. Happy January and happy Monday!

An Ode to “Eat, Pray, Love”

August 17, 2018 by Alannah Paren in Inspiration, Travel

For those of you who have never read Liz Gilbert’s “Eat, Pray, Love,” I highly suggest that you add it to your reading list (along with her book “Big Magic”!). When people ask me who my celebrity idols are, and mind you, I’ve never really been the fan-girl-type, I have three people I might suggest depending on my mood: comedian Ellen DeGeneres, chef Gordon Ramsay, and yes, author Elizabeth Gilbert. My wanderlust, spontaneous soul has always admired Gilbert’s story of leaving her conventional life in search of a deeper meaning, all while trusting in the universe’s divine guidance. My personal Instagram plays homage to the novel with categories dedicated to “Eat,” “P(l)ay,” and “Love.” Long story left un-shortened…. I revere Gilbert and her journey with all my heart.

One March night, after I had recently arrived back from my trip to Canada, I caught my mind spiraling with all the possibilities of where I could travel to next, and of course I couldn’t help but tease the possibility of getting up and just moving to a foreign country for a month without a plan, much like Gilbert. I jokingly said in my head, “Well at least I got the eating part out of the way,” as I reminisced on all the cheese platters and other rich foods I had consumed in Québec. It wasn’t until the next month that my trips to Israel and Hawaii were solidified. And once again, as I fell asleep I realized: my trip to Israel was going to be for soul searching and praying, while my trip to Hawaii was going to be spent in the company of my family, the people I love most. I had found the “Pray” and the “Love” pieces to my very own “Eat, Pray, Love” quest!

May and June rolled around, and I couldn’t have been more overjoyed at the idea of having traveled to three different unique destinations, all with their own purpose, in the span of under four months. First, in Canada, I indulged in heaps of cured meats with fruit preserves and buttery chocolate chip croissants, washed down with sweet wines and floral gins. Next, in Israel, I meditated, I pushed myself to overcome things I couldn’t have imagined before, and I wept when I came in the presence of the Western Wall. Then came time to dedicate life to love and those closest to me in Maui, a destination very dear to my heart. I modified my “Love” phase to be symbolic of paying homage to my roots and soaking up my favorite sceneries with my wonderful parents and sister. After all, I couldn’t expect to be swept off my feet by some guy while in Hawaii like Gilbert experiences in Bali, right??

So now, it’s been two months since I’ve arrived back home after my travels, and I am now in a relationship – with a guy that I connected with while I was in Hawaii. Although he himself wasn’t physically on the island, the universe has a funny way of working out, and I couldn’t be happier, not only with the direction life is going in, but also that I got to live out my own little “Eat, Pray, Love” that I had always dreamed of. Life is spontaneous, and these past months have been full of surprising changes and opportunities that I couldn’t be more grateful for. Sometimes things happen quickly and unexpectedly, but always remember to trust in the universe and let life flow! Open up your heart to the potential of what your heart and soul are seeking, enjoy the moment, and the universe will provide you with more than expected! We all are going through our own journeys, so you must enjoy your own for what it is! Don’t be afraid to share you stories, reach out to others, and always live life in the moment!

Dissolving Differences

July 30, 2018 by Alannah Paren in Inspiration, Travel

One of the biggest things I like to emphasis on this blog (and in life in general!) is the oneness that connects us all. Society often likes to make the differences in life more obvious than the similarities. While reading Only Love is Real, the sequel to Many Lives, Many Masters by Brian Weiss, I realized that some of his words correlated with a woman’s story I had learned while traveling in Israel. The overall message is that we all go through the same hardships; deep down we are all scared, we all want to find love and happiness. Weiss discusses how the soul is not attached to superficial differences (like race, ethnicity, gender, etc.) that often pose as barriers in everyday life. The woman I met in Israel discussed what it is like to live in a country where the majority of people she is spiritually connected to are fighting against the people she is ethnically connected to.

For those of you who aren’t familiar with Brain Weiss, he is a therapist who specializes in past life regression therapy, in which patients are able to recall their past lives and identify life patterns and familiar souls. (Read my post about his first book here.) Through his innumerous sessions with clients, he has seen how diverse one soul’s lives can be – from a British woman of royalty in one life to an Egyptian male healer in another. Weiss writes that in “the course of our lifetimes, we change sexes, religions, and races in order to learn from all sides” (Only Love is Real 98). He illustrates that we cannot have fear, anger, greed, hatred, etc., because we have probably at one point in our soul’s journey, embodied whatever it is now that we view as “different.” The point of life he says is to learn how to love, forgive, be aware, and eliminate violence. Regardless of your religion or if you believe in reincarnation or not, it is hard to argue with Weiss’ points that simply suggest that we place ourselves in others’ shoes and treat people in a manner in which we would hope to be treated if we were in their situation.

Israel has long been in war with Palestine, and while I was visiting, I was fortunate enough to get to go to a village that was inhabited by both Israelis and non-Israelis. A woman shared her story of being a Christian who lived in a non-Israeli village that was destroyed by Israelis, and how she found forgiveness and love in their people when she moved into a main Israeli port for university. She was young, divorced, and her rejection of her somewhat forced marriage through her culture caused her to be abandoned by her own blood. That’s when she was left with nothing, only to find that so many Israelis welcomed her with open arms and offered her a roof, food, education, and companionship. She shared that through her experiences she realized that love conquers all – that no matter your side in a situation, both parties are afraid, both parties have a right to their beliefs, and both parties are just trying to protect their own happiness and health, which she believes doesn’t have to be at the expense of others.

Lately, I have been quite observant of how often we rely on the differences between ourselves and others to characterize, when we should be focusing more on similarities or attributes such as one’s humor, kindness, generosity, etc. If we empathize with the feelings and familiarities of those around us, not only do we broaden our repertoire of experienced emotions, but we open up our heart to allow others to also enter and understand our lives better. Weiss’ discussion of patterns across multiple lives and how we can break destructive cycles through the recognition of such patterns, inspired me to want to focus on the breaking of cycles within this life that we currently know, regardless of whether or not we have insight into any of our soul’s past encounters. It is time that we break the pattern of guarding our hearts against others, ignoring what we all share as a human race, and being blind to the wonderful connections we have the potential to make with people, no matter how diverse their lives are compared to our own!

Living a Life of Loving-Kindness

June 23, 2018 by Alannah Paren in Travel, Inspiration

My recent travels to Israel imparted a lot to me, and I plan on doing my best to convey some of the lessons I learned or feelings I experienced throughout the next few weeks, but right now I want to focus on the idea of loving-kindness. Love and care is important in many forms, and in today’s world there is a large movement supporting self-love, promoting individuals to take time out of their routines to honor themselves. While in Israel, I was introduced to the term loving-kindness, and being the word nerd that I am, I just couldn’t let go of how perfectly I feel that this concept bottles up and describes an aspect to life that I think plays a critical role to our well being. In fact, parts of it are reminiscent to my past post on “The Art of Releasing Contempt + Opening the Heart,” and I loved this new spin.

During the trip, I had the opportunity to partake in several guided meditations, one of which was a loving-kindness meditation. The goal of the meditation was to focus on an individual that you feel overwhelming admiration for, send them positive thoughts and energy, and then reciprocate that pure love to yourself via the person you envisioned. Essentially, the practice allows you to send love to others, as well as to yourself, serving as a platform for indirect self-love (something that can be hard to do for ourselves, but is easier when we can utilize a loved one to be the messenger of the love we send ourselves!). Towards the end of the session, we were encouraged to expand our vision beyond our original individual, to more people in our lives, even those who we might usually have a tough time feeling affectionate towards. The lesson was that the more love we send out and the more walls we try to overcome, the more space we open up in our hearts to receive love. Loving-kindness is essentially the open flow of love for everyone, recognizing that as human beings we all fundamentally share the desire to love and be loved.

I came out of the meditation quite overwhelmed, choking up with tears of joy at the rush of emotions I had experienced. During my session, I had faced some negative feelings I had towards myself (that I didn’t realize were still buried deep down inside me!) through my visions of my loved one sending me love. I also had a ton of people, who I hadn’t thought of in a long time, pop up into my head to send love to – even someone who often pains me, but regardless I mustered up all the positive energy I could, and sent it to them. The entire meditation did not take very long, yet the effects afterwards were so incredibly blissful. It helped me to further activate my compassion for others, along with giving me the space to dedicate time to fully recognize my connections with various people in my life.

There are lots of studies on the short and long term impacts of meditation in general, but I also think there is something specifically special about taking the time to acknowledge love for others, no matter how close of a relationship we share with them on an average day. As we teach our hearts how to expand our love across distances, boundaries, and differences, radiating love becomes the norm and we work towards focusing on what we can emotionally share with each other.

I hope everyone had a beautiful summer solstice and is enjoying this beautiful season! xoxo

What I’ve Learned About Love (+ Things Related to It)

February 02, 2018 by Alannah Paren in Inspiration

Happy February! In honor of it being the month of love, I thought it would be appropriate to discuss a few of the insights I’ve gained in the relatively short twenty years that I have been a part of this world. I feel like naturally February is associated with the romantic love that comes with being in a relationship, but there are so many other forms of love that deserve recognition too! Today’s culture has cultivated this trend of looking forward to Valentine’s Day if you are in a steady partnership, while the rest of the world holds feelings of bitterness and makes self-deprecating jokes about loneliness, but I am here to encourage us all to embrace love generally no matter the time of year.

1. Loved Ones Deserve Love – Since coming to college, I have realized that loved ones, like family members, often serve as our emotional bounce board since we take their love for granted. They are often the ones we feel so safe with, that we dump all of our negativity, rants, stress, etc. on them. Usually, it isn’t under after we’ve cooled down and recovered from whatever situation we were dealing with, that we realize the majority of our time talking to our beloved was spent hashing out everything but what should have been the focus of the conversation. Moral of the story here: although it is healthy to express your emotions in a safe space, remember to reach out to loved ones during times when its not just because you need a shoulder to lean and cry on. Express your appreciation and love for those that are close to you, and challenge yourself to reach out to people just to see how their days are or discuss something that is making life great at the moment!

2. Love Can Heal The Wounds It Causes – Referring back to the various levels of love, sometimes we find ourselves in a position where the love we had for someone is forced to retreat into the cavities of our hearts as we are no longer able to love that person in the capacity that we previously did. These instances can often make their mark by leaving a substantial scar on our hearts, which then arouses many questions, feelings of doubt and paranoia, and potentially, deep pain and sadness. However, unlike salt, if we add love from other areas of life to the wound that love itself created, we find that new happiness and growth appears in our lives. Self-love, love from family and friends, and healing love energies from nature can all help to not only mend a gash of love, but to also thrive and blossom into more loving, powerful, and tuned-in individuals. Moral of the story here: love isn’t easy, it can inflict just as much pain as it can intense comfort, but the important thing to keep in mind is that love is everywhere. There is not ever just one sole source of love, so there should never be a lack of healing love to act as a cure for times when you are searching for the antidote to heartache.

3. Love is Ever-Present – Like I said above, love is everywhere and in everything. Sometimes though, our love levels vary, not just for different things, but for one thing in particular. I think this most strongly applies to self-love, where one minute we are feeling good and empowered, and the next we are beating ourselves up over something. It is in these times, when we feel defeated and feel a bit lack luster in our outflow of love for something, be it ourselves or a life passion, that we must keep in mind that just because we don’t feel the same strong intensity of love that we have felt before, doesn’t mean that there is no love left. Sometimes outside factors or unnamable forces drain our current love (along with other emotions!) and we find ourselves in a funk. This does not mean that for instance, if you are an English major you should go rethink your entire life the second you just aren’t feeling motivated to write an essay! Instances of low love and deficient motivation only mean that we need to sow and tend to the flame of love that still burns within us, regardless if it is currently very dim. Moral of the story: as humans, our existence is reliant on the presence of love and we always have it coursing through us even in the times when it feels absent. Essentially, we need to remember to take a few steps back and listen to our souls in an effort to get an accurate census of our fluctuating feelings.

I know I am still a student of this Earth and that I still have a multitude of lessons to learn in my lifetime, but I hope that these small pieces on love have either resonated with you, provided you with some insight, or at least inspired you to continue to spread love. This month, I challenge you to elevate your love and reach out to an old friend or someone you appreciate, give a stranger a compliment, dedicate time to enriching yourself, or partaking in some sort of gratitude/love practice that you do not already consistently do in your everyday routines. Remember that the love you pour out into the world will be returned to you! Here’s to a fresh month dedicated to the driving force of our universe!

Emphasizing Expression

December 20, 2017 by Alannah Paren in Inspiration

One of my favorite quotes comes from Maya Angelou who once said, “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” During this time of the year that has a large focus on gift-giving, I wanted to recognize the fact that it is important to “give” in a sense all year long, and that one of the best ways to do so is through expression. This means actively expressing your feelings for those around you, reminding people that they are loved for and appreciated.

Golden Gate Bridge, San Fransisco, CA // April 2017

I think that a lot goes unsaid in our daily lives. For instance, we might really like someone’s style or really enjoy talking to someone, but we don’t always vocalize these feelings, leaving them as unappreciated thoughts. However, if we were able to acknowledge our thoughts and let people know how loved and respected they were, not only would they benefit in multiple ways, but we would benefit by opening up our own doors to positive energy. It is a natural tendency for people to be concerned with how they are being perceived by others, and I am sure we have all wondered at one point what someone else thought of us. In an effort to move towards a more accepting and loving universe, it is important that we begin to manifest our feelings into words and openly express them. This leads to people feeling more content as they receive the acknowledgement that plays an important role in our souls’ wellness.

It is unfortunate that most of the time, the things that we think to say are usually when we are in opposition to something, or strongly dislike a certain aspect, leaving the things we feel as positives as mere individual contentment without putting it out in the world. While you can still voice your opinions when you feel like something should be changed, we should try to match our adverse comments with an equal amount of positive comments about things. So the next time you find that you are thinking to yourself how great someone is or how much something meant to you, try to formulate your feelings to words and share them with the person that they apply to. Complimenting people and making your appreciation known is one of the most meaningful (and easiest!) practices we can do as individuals, and they often have a larger effect than material gifts. Letting people know how you feel when you have the chance is an opportunity that should never be passed up. Happy Holidays! Make sure to be in the present and let the people around you know how much they are cared for!

The Art of Releasing Contempt + Opening the Heart

August 20, 2017 by Alannah Paren in Lifestyle

In the midst of the modern world, we find ourselves working towards goals in educations, career fields, athletic scenarios, and other similar situations that can often cultivate a sense of competition. I think that this element of rivalry between our peers and those around us poses as a large hurdle we must overcome if we wish to reach a state closer to contentment and happiness. We are all beautiful, talented, and stellar human beings in our own way, so we need to learn to ease up on comparing ourselves to our counterparts and learn how to genuinely want them to succeed in life as well.

Juneau, Alaska // June 2016 — Juneau, Alaska // June 2016

Personally, I have dealt with the feelings of insecurities and inferiority in my own life, and I know it is easy to at first approach the person who is causing such feelings with an air of scorn. However, I learned a powerful lesson after reading The Art of Happiness, by Howard C. Cutler, which reflects on quotes and ideas from the Dalai Lama. In a particular portion of the book, Cutler writes of his experience on an airplane where he immediately took to disliking his seatmate without any real reason. At first Cutler allows himself to simply just go on feeling some sort of contempt for this complete stranger, but then he realizes he needs to look inward and release himself from these spiteful feelings. He forces himself to look at his seatmate and find the similarities between the two of them, eventually breaking everything down to the conclusion that they were both human beings on this planet and that everyone has their luck and challenges in life. After coming to this awareness, Cutler detached himself from negative energies and was left feeling more at peace.

Now as I move through life, if I ever feel an inkling of a grudge towards another person seep in, I remind myself to take a step back and really break down what I actually know about the person and why I feel like I have the grounds to feel the way I do. Almost every single time I end up feeling extremely liberated as I once again become cognizant of the fact that neither one of us has to be “better than the other.” We all have our own individual journeys, there is plenty of love in this universe for us all to equally receive, and another person’s beauty and light does not take away from our own.

I think that in our contemporary society it has become so normative and casual to say things like “I hate…” in reference to someone or something. In all actuality though, do we really hate what we say we do? Essentially, does not one fiber in our beings feel less than hate for this person or object? For example, even if someone said that they hated pizza, they are taking a strong side. That is saying that the person could not even find appreciation for the smaller elements like the basil, cheese, crust, toppings, or sauce that went into creating the pizza as a whole. I feel that in moving towards a more positive universe, we need to start looking at the sincerity of the things we are saying, especially when it comes to hate statements. People can definitely have opinions and dislike things or disagree, but it is important to also recognize that you can feel that way while still, after breaking something down, acknowledging feelings of admiration or empathy.