Loneliness in a Hyper-Connected Society

September 07, 2020 by Alannah Paren in Inspiration

Back in March of 2019, I jotted down in my notes: “What are the pros and cons of being so connected through technology in this day and age?” Now, over a year later, I find this question almost even more relevant and worth considering. It is incredibly fascinating that through today’s technology we can contact anyone in the world at any given minute and conduct work or school from the comfort of our own homes, among many other things. While I recognize the extreme benefits, there are moments when I feel that our machines and devices are tipping the scales of connectivity, entering into a realm where we are actually more isolated as individuals.

The ability to gather international news and access an incomprehensible amount of resources from the palms of our hands, are just two of the ways that technology has forever shaped society. And it is definitely a balance, because without these means to connect, we’d lack even more empathy in the world, as it would be incredibly hard to maintain awareness for others outside of our social bubbles. Yet, there is a special energy that requires us to get breaths of fresh air and open ourselves up to factors of life that span beyond standard screen sizes. I definitely took for granted the ease of being able to get out and meander in spaces, an activity that exposes us to strangers and allows for the magic and beauty of unexpected conversations. These days, it’s easy to virtually transport oneself across the globe or even complete daily errands like grocery shopping, without even leaving the couch.

With such hyper-connectivity, it is easy to slip into the territory of loneliness and isolation – sometimes without even realizing that it is happening. In my own experience, even if I am able to manage keeping up friendships and enhancing my worldly knowledge from behind the screen, I tend to lose my internal sense of being grounded. Physically enjoying nature, being in people’s presence, and getting to separate work life from my personal space, are all things that encourage my overall wellbeing. After long extents of relying on digital means to satisfy my human need to connect and engage, I find that I then tend to log off with an extreme sense of personal discontent. Moments that I get to spend with the people I love and the small adventures like walking to get takeout are the mini wins that I have learned are key to my own personal sanity.

In an effort to stay hopeful and honor ourselves through the actions that make us happiest, it is so important that we make space for the people and activities that keep us tuned into our best selves. While we oddly are feeling the restrictions of being physically bound within our homes, the lines delineating our personal, professional, and social lives have become completely blurred. It is okay to not have everything figured out, or to feel completely lost in a society that is outlining exactly where we should or shouldn’t be this year.

I have a lot to thank technology for and without the innovations of today’s world, I would be feeling an incredible void. The opportunities I have had, the people I cherish most, even this blog, are all aspects of my life that have benefitted from the ability to transcend time and distance through devices. However, the seed of our souls were not planted to thrive with machinery alone. It takes a healthy dose of other elements to keep us balanced as humans. This equilibrium can be achieved when we are intentional with our utilization of modern technology. Predetermining our goals when we unlock our phones or log on to our computers can be incredibly beneficial; whether we are heading into a work Zoom, hoping to connect with someone, or dedicating recreational perusing of social media, making mindful decisions can keep us in charge of our time and happiness.

Stay hopeful everyone and continue finding safe ways to spark joy! xoxo

Compounding Change

May 16, 2020 by Alannah Paren in Inspiration

Amidst these unique times, change has become obvious. We see differences in the way we navigate everyday activities, and modes of adaptation are at the top of the agenda as we discuss what our post-pandemic future may look like. As we continue to learn how to cope with the ever-evolving situation that our world is battling, we are also still experiencing the inevitable trials of human life that have always existed. Personally, I find myself dealing with immense feelings of change as I graduate college and attempt to transition into a new phase of life during this universal uncertainty.

I am grappling with the reality that this current position is not what I had visualized for myself when I dreamt of becoming an official Berkeley graduate. The long-term planner in me had assumed that logically my first step in the real world would be to place my foot in the door of a stable career. After spending months preparing for dream opportunities, my prospects dissolved given the economic circumstances. However, in addition to a degree, my college years also bestowed me with valuable lessons that I believe will carry me farther than any formal education could. Once I got accepted into Berkeley, I thought I crossed off a big item from my life agenda; but, come freshman year I realized that there were holes in my fairly linear plan. I hadn’t thoroughly considered how my time at Berkeley would impact my identity beyond the classroom. Being a student was so engrained within me, and I soon found that there were points in my college career where my bigger objectives were to manage my relationships and maintain my health. Now - as I sit here writing this from the vantage point of straying from what I felt was a secure, original blueprint - I recognize that this period ahead is asking me to apply my larger ambitions and lessons to manifest abundance in all aspects of my life. Juggling the multitude of emotions and experiences over these last few years has essentially been like training my brain to stay balanced on a surfboard in an effort to ride out the waves of life with as much strength and confidence as possible.

Balance cannot be achieved without training one’s focus. And, while the chaotic global climate has not been overwhelmingly positive, I will say that it has given me the gift of perspective. Last week, I took a solemn walk on campus as a goodbye gesture to the place I have considered home for the last four years. I noticed so many more details than my buzzy, rushed walks to classes ever allowed me to observe. My separation due to quarantine granted me with the ability to relish in the minutiae that I would not otherwise have missed until it was too late to soak them in one last time. A moment of epiphany occurred when I recognized that expecting this change was a blessing, and without the natural ebbs and flows of life I wouldn’t be able to enter this phase with the same brilliant force and appreciation behind me. I feel like my life up until this point has been the gradual baking and stacking of a cake; and, with my tiered foundation now in place, I am ready to continue the process towards my ultimate masterpiece, decorating myself and adding color along the way.

I suppose that in sum, we can never truly predict the dose of change that life will heap onto us; however, what we can do is choose the way we respond. In any situation it is important to stay open-minded to the lessons we may learn about ourselves, as well as foster gratitude. When we take the time to dive within and assess what we can and cannot control, we exercise our capability to remain stable during rocky times. Change has transformed our pasts into our present selves, and change is what is currently building us into better versions to embrace the future. Being thankful for growth relieves the blocks we subconsciously place on ourselves. It is by no means easy, but when we reach a point of self-trust we lose the tension and apprehension that comes with facing changes.

These are scary times for many, and as we continue to face the natural ripples that affect us, we are also all weathering out this global tsunami. I encourage you all to notice your own strength and capabilities – your entire life up until this point has been one extensive course on how to stay afloat, and if you continue to hone in on maintaining your equilibrium, you will not have to fear even the biggest of breakers. While life can seem stagnate at times, other stages offer more action and require more adaptation. Let us not fail to remember that we have all survived changes before, and we have the power to conquer what may lie ahead. xoxo

“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.”

— Rumi

Renewing With the Spring Season

March 16, 2018 by Alannah Paren in Inspiration

On Tuesday the 20th, we enter into the Spring Equinox, a time meant to revitalize and renew our spirits. In preparation for this welcoming of spring, we can look inwards and almost do a "spring-cleaning" for the soul. What's going well in life right now? What has been nagging at us that we can take action on? What's in balance and what isn't?

This is a great time for us to consider whether or not we are doing our best at fulfilling our souls, recognizing that it is healthy to take a step back and give our minds and bodies the time they need to recover before once again subjecting ourselves into a new physically or emotionally demanding situation (as lots of life's moments can be!). Revitalize by doing little things like taking advantage of these longer, slightly warmer days and letting yourself soak up the sun! Remember that if we don't start by first taking the time to respect and nurture ourselves, it becomes hard to be able to benefit and engage with society and those around us.

Someone very close to me just got me a sign that says, "Grow through what you go through," which I think is super appropriate given that with the change of the seasons we will see more of nature bloom, and we too can amplify our souls' radiance from within! Spring is symbolic of light, also making the concept of "you have to have darkness to see the light" relatable. I encourage everyone to celebrate this emergence of new life within nature, to get together with those who matter most, and to simply celebrate life.

I think a key term that encompasses the essence of this time is: balance. Life is a continuum of experiences and emotions, but the important thing is to allow ourselves the space to go through the varying times that come our way. I want to emphasize that there shouldn't be any guilt with pursuing things that enrich your life, whether it be going out to grab a bite at the place you've been craving lately or staying in instead of going out when you feel like you need a personal reboot. This seasonal transition serves as a checkpoint for us to take what we have learned thus far and try to utilize it to its greatest ability to positively impact the future.

Have a beautiful weekend and may this spring season give you the opportunity to revitalize and transform into even lighter and more balanced version of yourself!

Taking Back Control Over Anxiety

September 08, 2017 by Alannah Paren in Inspiration

This next post has been one I’ve considered writing for a long time, but it has taken me up until this point to feel like I have the complete courage and strength to formulate my feelings and experiences into words. I want to preface what I am about to discuss though, with the fact that although the majority of this will focus on food-based anxieties, I hope to express a message that can help with conflicting, internal anxieties in general. I can’t ignore the fact that I still worry and stress about many things in my life, but I can safely say that I know what it is like to experience the suffocating effects of feeling victim to your own mind even when you know it is “wrong” to feel so extremely about something.

Currently in my sophomore year of college, I feel like I have come a long way in my journey of self-love in the past year. For the past few years I have made fitness and health a large part of my lifestyle, which naturally comes with its ups and downs, but it wasn’t until my freshman year of college that I realized my focus on healthy living was becoming an obsession that would soon start to consume my life. I started off my college career coming off of a summer where I felt like I had achieved my best self to date, and I felt my momentum carrying through this new adjustment period as I would opt for healthy meal options and block out time for working out. As the semester progressed though, eating became a torment for me. No matter what I ate, even down to a cucumber slice, I would continually mull over the nutritional content (how much fat, carbs, and protein that I estimated to be in each component of my meal). I felt myself slipping away from being in the present moment, and instead giving all of my energy into factoring whether or not I would gain weight. This became every second, every minute, and every day of my life. It felt good to go to bed with my stomach growling because in my head that meant I was in a caloric deficit and would wake up skinnier. It felt good when at the end of the day I still had 200 calories I hadn’t utilized, even though my tracker was set to a goal of a meager 1,200 caloric intake for the day. If the scale was even a mere .2 pounds heavier than the day before, I would be spiraled into the idea that “I wasn’t doing enough” and that “I was getting off track.” I would even allow that small gain to metamorphose itself into actual “weight” when I would look in the mirror, convincing myself that I did look heavier than the day before.

Egg White Veggie Scramble + Julian's Paleo Almond Flour Bread + Apricots

I began to isolate myself from the college dining halls where I knew I would be judged for barely eating or only having a salad (plus it was depressing for me to watch people eat “whatever they wanted” and not feel the pain I felt), and I realized I was pushing away those who were close to me. It wasn’t that I wanted to, and looking back I wish I could have seen what I know now and acted differently, but I literally felt compelled to feel guilty for any morsel that entered my mouth. All the reassurance people gave me did help, and any time I was able to open up to someone about the truth of how I was feeling, it felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders since I was no longer sitting in calculative, hidden turmoil. This dilemma haunted me through my entire first year of college and even through my trip of a lifetime in Europe. It wasn’t until I came back from the trip and found out that I had actually lost weight and achieved my all time lowest weigh-in while traveling, that it hit me that I could manage to eat “unhealthy” things and not gain. I began to try to not hold back from enjoying life and approach eating with the tactic of having small bites of things I viewed as guilt-loaded so that I felt like I had tried them, but hadn’t completely lost control. Through a process of encouraging and coaxing myself, along with making tough decisions of when to restrain from my compulsion to weigh in or track my calories for the day, I feel like I finally am at a point where I have outweighed the control and am now on a better path to recovery. Every day is not necessarily perfect, and some days I feel myself starting to get overly analytical about what I’m eating, but I try to maintain power and not succumb to the fear that wants to seep in.

Nonfat Greek Yogurt Bowl topped with blueberries + strawberries + pecans + chia seeds + honey

What I hope to impart through sharing my experiences, is that it is okay to have anxieties. No one is wrong for feeling the way they do, and it can be frustrating to feel like you are alone in feeling a certain way, to feel misunderstood, or to feel like you are acting in a way you don’t actually want to be acting in. Whether it is an anxiety with food or a different type of anxiety such as feeling compulsive about everything being in an exact order, deep down inside we all have the power to take back control. I realize that many times this is easier said than done, but just know it isn’t completely impossible. I felt trapped in my own body and I knew I wanted to let myself eat and that there actually weren’t consequences if I did eat, but for some reason I couldn’t stand up to myself. It is definitely a process that varies for anyone battling with these similar feelings. One method that helped me was to slowly begin to recognize the feelings I had and then flip my perspective so that I no longer had fear about eating, but rather recognized that I was making conscious decisions that I was proud of. Rewarding myself for even the smallest of victories (like eating an M&M and not freaking out), helped to slowly untangle my compulsiveness to track and evaluate everything. Essentially, it becomes a balancing act of being aware of uncontrollable feelings and also easing up on them a notch, until it gets to the point where the power shifts to more ease over controlling feelings.

Plate of turkey + microgreens + jicama + avocado w/ Everything Bagel seasoning + Thai Curry Hummus + mini sweet peppers

The most important message from this, is that even when you think you are alone in feeling a certain way, just know that we are all human and someone else knows how you feel in a different capacity. It might not be the exact same situation, but relative to their life, you both might be experiencing the same types of feelings. Another point I’d like to make, is that it is okay to open up to people and receive help. I know I often feel guilty when I unload my feelings onto others and so I sometimes naturally close myself off, but I have often found that it leaves others around you feeling as if they have done something wrong. Believe in the power of yourself to make a change within, and don’t feel shame in acknowledging your feelings and letting others in to help. We are all beautiful and worthy in our own individualistic ways, and as we work towards complete love and contentment with ourselves, we will see even more beauty in the world around us.