grateful soul

Entering into December and with the holidays (aka the season to be merry) right around the corner, I wanted to write about the reality of feeling depressed or apathetic, while still being happy or excited about certain things. In the past, I have had periods of time where I battled with deep ruts of depression, and more recently I have experienced times of apathy. It was the other day, when I was reflecting on how this past year has been full of some of the happiest moments of my life, while also acknowledging that I was going through some pretty strong negative emotions that were bringing me down, that I realized there isn’t a definitive line that restricts someone to solely being depressed or solely being happy. It occurred to me that life is a continuum of both sides of the spectrum of emotions, and that realization helped me shed a layer of anxiety and guilt I didn’t realize I was carrying with me. For the longest time I was subconsciously giving myself anxiety from the self-inflicted confusion that came from feeling thankful for aspects of my life and feeling excited for certain things, while at the same time feeling an intense darkness suffocating me overall.

I think one of the biggest things that come from situations of mixed emotions is guilt and confusion. Here we are, trying to focus on what we are grateful for and trying to stay positive, but then we are also feeling a cloud of gloom overhead. I know for me personally, this can either cause me to feel guilty for not being able to release my melancholy feelings (since I am always so eternally blessed and overjoyed to have the amazing people that I do in life), or it can cause conflict and uncertainty with myself since I cannot sort out why I am feeling opposing emotions. The moral to my story is that at the end of the day, we are all just trying to do the best that we can individually, day by day. This means that as long as we continue to give recognition to the things that we do have in life that make us happy, whether it be friends, family, or even looking forward to a holiday tradition, we are on the right path. And taking these positive steps in the right direction doesn’t make us any less human or any more immune to feelings of upset and depression.

In today’s society, I think we place a lot of pressure on the holiday season and teeter on the edge of focusing more on the negatives, claiming it’s a time when chances of gaining weight are higher and that hosting families and festivities is more stressful than enjoyable. So I think this winter presents itself as a great time to tackle some of the overwhelming adverse feelings we might have, while still allowing ourselves to be happy and look forward to certain seasonal merriments. I think it is also important to insert here, that there is in fact so much to appreciate during the holidays that often gets drowned out when we approach things with the mindset of “once the holidays are over, I’ll be able to relax.” If you find yourself being one of those people who do view the holidays in this way, challenge yourself this season to take the time to really soak in the cheer in the air and enjoy quality time spent with loved ones (something that might be rare if you are in college and living away from home like me!).

Overall though, regardless of what time of the year it is, this world is naturally filled with things that provoke sadness, even just turning on the news or checking a social media account can remind us of the things that we generally want to ignore. It is important though that through times of upset, we still try to see the positive, and hopefully these efforts will lead to an even bigger effect of lessening these sadness provoking things in our world. Hopefully we can move towards a society that has news that is more positive and inspirational.

Happy December 1st everyone!! Let’s embrace this month filled with spirit and gratitude!